My life - after 2 kids and 2 companies

Things are a bit crazy lately. And I only have 2 kids and 2 companies. I wonder how others are doing it. Not that I am complaining, just ranting slightly.

Anyway, our normal day starts as early as 5.30am. Get the kids ready for school, prepare their food for the day, get myself ready, drop them off - first Isaac and then Sophie. After that I will make it a point to have breakfast with Seb. And then my work day begins. Been doing 3 - 4 business meetings a day and it is crazy I tell you. Most days, I will pick Isaac up from school in between running from one meeting to the next. Send him over to my office and off I go to next one. I pick him up not because I am trying to be a supermom but because we only have one car so the driving duty falls on me.

I thought I could do this but recently I started to feel very tired when the clock strikes 7pm and on some days, I just lose myself. It is bad I tell you.

And I have two kids to handle, I can't give up. So these days, I try to limit my meetings to only 2 per day. One in the morning and one after lunch. So far so good. At least I can stay awake until Sophie falls asleep, which is midnight. I guess she misses us when we were away for work so night time is her time with us. She will make us watch Mother Goose Club with her the whole night. Kinda fun actually.

Isaac is sitting for UPSR this year so he's all about extra classes. Every afternoon and every Saturday morning.

Yup, that is pretty much it :)

Boring update. I know. But in case you were wondering what was I up to these days, the top secret is now revealed :)

I am not a saint but very likely an angel

My life may not be perfect, nor am I a perfect being. So when I pray to God each night, I hope he hears my prayers that the world will be a kinder place. A safer place.

Just the other day, I was listening to a new friend that I just made at a networking event - and he said something quite poignant.

Think of Paradise. Aim for Paradise.

I've got a long way to go before I even feel 1/millionth worth of his acceptance, but I'm comforted knowing the conscious is there. When I feel disheartened by sad news, or threats or a comment -- I am comforted that I am able to appreciate the feelings, even if it hurts or pains me; because that means I am human, and can only strive to please HIM. Noone else but him. A journey that only I must take; and let God be the judge for HE knows all.

I pray for solace and peace around the world -- that the flood victims will get the global aid sent over. I pray that those who died in vain tonight will rest in peace and those who are suffering to be granted patience and comfort. Disheartened. But I wont give up.

I can't go pleasing everyone - I can't keep justifying myself and I can't stop tongues from wagging or people from condemning. But I can keep still and patient , repent and forgive - and focus on those who matter.

People asking me to 'change'. To go back to God's path. Berubah lah, they say.

Now is that a threat? Thank God for authorities.

"I'm not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying" --Nelson Mandela

Yup. Never said I was a saint. I am afterall God's child- a sinner. But I am trying to make amends and to do the best I can for all.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts!

Don't Judge Others Just Because They Sin Differently Than You

In life, things don’t always go as you plan it. Things don’t always happen as you like it to be. And people don’t have to always agree with you.

Expressing your thoughts has been made easy with variety of mediums available. But opinions expressed don’t always deemed as facts. Sure, you can express yourself. But don’t expect people to buy it. Worst, don’t expect people to agree with you.

And yes – you tend to disagree with people. 

You see a mother who just drive around with an infant seated on the passenger seat not buckled up, you feel like “Ish, such a bad mother! Letting the kid sitting unsecured in a moving vehicle. She doesn't deserve to be a mother”.

Wow! You are definitely a role-model-mother. Your kid is surely going to succeed in life. 100%.

Or when you are this alim person, covered and all and you see someone wearing a revealing outfit, you go “So sinful. I hope God will punish her. She should change and come back to the right path”.

Sigh. Sure - you are so perfect, you are definitely going to heaven. 

What makes you think you can judge people? What makes you think you have the right to fix everyone around you?

How do you know if others are feeling the same about you? That you are a terrible daughter, you stop caring about your siblings and parents ever since you have your own family. That you are a terrible human being, always so boastful.

Yeah….

But, what if - what if they do see your flaws, but they chose to disregard it and just accept you for who you are? Fortunately.

Yup.

Needless to say, lets remember to always be kind to everyone. Mentally and physically.

A goal

Aiming. Praying. Working on it.

How to be a charmer like me

"You are so positive. So positive, it makes cynical people like me annoyed"

I get that a lot. When I talk positively to people, they wonder why am I so positive. And I wonder why does it bother them.

"How did you do that? You charmed him the minute you started talking to him!"

This. I get a lot too. Apparently, I am a charmer. I have been told that I have a good personality which is an optimum key to getting things done. At work. Not on bed.

I am not going to leave you half way, but will share with you ways to get a better personality through attitude and self-image, which is my ultimate way of life.

Here are ways, proven ways, techniques or steps that you can almost put to immediate use, to help you to become (a charmer) a better person.

Step One: Participate Positively
First we need to understand that attitude has its own infections way of influencing others to act in accordance with your way of thinking. In our pursuit of upgrading our attitude to a healthier one, we must participate positively in all the company's functions & activities, which include small and big events. There are many people who feel that they are not involved in certain events or activities, so they tend to take a step backward and watch from the back stage. Worse, there are people who think that only big functions can bring them to somewhere on the top.

One important area of attitudinal development is to be more involved in all functions, because when your superiors, your coordinates or your staffs witness your enthusiasm in participating positively in all functions, they will learn, they will follow and most of all they will lead others as well.

Step Two: Take The Front Seat
There is a big difference between a winner and a loser. The winner takes the front seat, while the loser ends up taking the back row, more often, more of them end up having no seat at all. Try to take the front seat at your company's functions. Try to be a good supporter to your team leader.

Step Three: Put On A Broad Smile
Like the saying goes; You smile because you are happy. Show others you are really happy when you meet them. Look around the next time you go to any event or function, you will notice many others who wear a frown on their faces. Frowning makes other feel unwanted, unwelcome and most of all frowning makes you dull. So, put on a broad smile every minute of you waking hour. People might think that you are flirting, screw them.

Step Four: Dress Up, Make Up and Move Up
There is a magic in dressing up. All over the world, men and women spend so much effort and money in dressing themselves up, so that they look good and feel great. I do that too. When you have this great feeling, you automatically act enthusiastically in almost everything that comes your way. Hence I urge you to dress up, make up and you will move up.

Step Five: Whisper I love You
One of the greatest lessons I have privilege in learning through my working experiences and bad decisions is working with my current company. One of the lessons, is to whisper I love You to whoever comes our way. "It is hard not to think well of a person when you whispered I love you, in your heart when you meet him or her." Your self-image will affectionately influence your attitude to act accordingly.

Step Six: Be Well Equipped
From the beginning, I have been told that there are three things we need to know about corporate world. First you need to know how to sell, then you must know how to receive then you must train others to sell and receive. Be well equipped with your knowledge, so that you are well prepared when people give you objections. Sell means a lot of things. That includes, to sell yourself well. Let people know your value. Be well equipped with the art to sell effectively. When you can sell well, when you approach people effectively, then you will enjoy working. Which will give you more reasons to wake up early in the morning to go to work. Because you know, that it will be a good day for you. Learn how to receive too. Because you know, you are worth it.

The above six steps will be your starting points (to be a charmer, like me) in attitudinal development and ensuring a stronger self-image. However, I must warn you that in your effort in your new growth, you need to discipline yourself to stay away from the negative people, and talk (ONLY) about positive things in life. Believe me, stay away from negative people. They are bad. Really bad.

I miss you, grandma.

Grandma,

When I was growing up, I wanted to to inspire people. I wanted to put a million smiles in people's hearts. I wanted to help people to remember the important things in life - love, connection and gratitude.

Now that I have grown up, I wonder whether or not I have done any of these. I wonder if I can still do it. I wonder if the world is still as beautiful as I saw it. I wonder if humans are still expecting to smile as I expected.

Most importantly, I wonder if I have ever made you proud.

I miss you, grandma.

Love,
Yayang
November 20, 2009 (a year after you went away)

Today is my day. When is yours?

I am purchasing this;




And this;


Click on pictures for the items' names

And no, I haven't spoken to hubby yet. Cause I assume if I wanna buy a LV then only I need to speak to him since these two only cost me USD536.

Honey, can ah? I tried calling you and left messages on MSN too *errkkkk*

Love you!

Have a safe fun life!

I have so many things that I wanna write but I just can't seem to focus in writing these days. Not that I have literally stopped writing because I still do. Emails, the fucking long emails *yawns*.

Work has been pretty hard to catch up. Just came back from Penang for a work trip. Then this weekend, will be going to Kuala Terengganu for another event. Then we will be off for a week holiday, hubby has booked a room at Kapas Island for us. Hope that few days will help me to unwind my mind.

The next weekend will be spent listening to my boss motivating people again. Hmm *struggling to open my eyes*. And, I assume mum is back from Germany. Didn't even call her. What else? My life is my career. For now, let me do this. For once, I am so determined in what I do. And I am not going to stop half way like I always did.

Oh yes, it's raining this morning. I love this lazy weather. Feels like London. Til then, have a safe fun life!

You were and are one of my favourite people in this world and your demise hurts me as much as it does to him

I am still moaning and grieving over the demise of one of my favorite people in this world, Yasmin Ahmad.

Whatever she liked, I like. Sensei, I will miss you dearly.

In the loving memory of my Yasmin Ahmad, here is one of her favorite poems;

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

Blame it on my mouth II

Hello. The other day, I was complaining that you are too soft. That you let people bully you. That you didn't fight for yourself. Of course, I was picking up a fight over you. You said, "not that I didn't defend myself. I did. But you didn't see it. You just don't like my way and you want it to be your way".

You were so angry that I use pressure over you. You said you don't understand how can I always feel more motivated to be better everytime I got pressured.

Hmm, I don't know the answer although I know that I don't like pressure neither. But I won't let others step on my head. No freaking way.

You also questioned on why did I even feel so aggravated when you were the one whom being bullied.

My darling, I just hate it. I hate to see you being treated that way. It hurts me more than you. I think, I explained that to you already. If you got what I meant, that is. But you were still very much unhappy. So I guess I didn't use the right words. Or maybe I picked a fight at a totally wrong time. Not that picking up a fight is right, at the first place.

So I promised you that you won't need to hear from me anymore. I meant, on this issue.

But nevermind, since I am thinking about you now, here you go; a few words from me :)

Do you know that you are such a talented man and I am not sure if you even realised that. Do you remember all the arguments that we had when we were dating? Do you know that everytime I saw you, I had so many things that I wanted to talk about. That I wanted to share. That I wanted to argue with you. I will use the opportunity to bring something up, anything, just so I could get into how your mind works, how you placed your words and uttered it carefully, on how you got me to think and pondered about anything. Hmm the magic. You were so thrilling! It's interesting on how much I enjoyed arguing with you. Just so you know.

My darling, nowadays you tend to lose your patience. You treat our arguments as something that you need to win. I miss to argue like those days. When we used to stand on our own words and yet we turned it to something delightful.

I love you.

Blame it on my mouth

I aimed to write a proper entry today but the usual laziness doesn't seem to run off. Or maybe the blues which occasionally comes to visit. Or is it, because of the way he treated me for the past weeks?

Til then, have a good life.

Mist, Bangsar

So I finally went to Mist, Bangsar. No mood to write. But one word. Or two. Fucking awesome. Three words. Fucking awesome night!





Sorry for the harsh words. My vocabulary is not functioning. Tried to use the right adjectives but failed. Toodles!

No I am not happy with the color. Will surely re-dye after coupla months!

So I colored the hair. Red. No, didn't perm it, it was just a temporary perm. Mengada-ness!




And please excuse the meaty arms and the failed pout. Toodles!

Poladroid

A friend of mine introduced me to http://poladroid.net where you can download the software and start editing your pictures to poladroid format. Lovely kan?

Here are some I wanna share with you;
















Try this, sweets. It's fun :)

When the stilettos are off!

Last Friday night, mum called up to offer to take care of Isaac over the weekend. How lovely!

So Honey and I thought of going out to listen to some Jazz music, an interest that we have in common :)

And since Sam is in town, I gave her a call to join us. We met up with the lovely Sam, the boyfriend, Francis and Francis's gorgeous sister, Theresa who dropped by towards the end of the night. She just got back from work. Oh yeah, she is a hot air crew *grin* :)

We initially planned for a good jazz session at Top Hat but never knew that they have shifted and changed their concept. No more life jazz band playing unless specially requested and paid for :(

So we headed to Heritage Row. Ended up at Upstairs and then shifted to Cynna :)

It was a coincidence that everybody wore coats, except me. I wore my lovely long cardigan. That explains how related are we *smile*. We had such a great time. And it was not a secret for everybody in Cynna bar that night, that we were the ones who heated the dance floor up *lol*

Took my stilettos off after hours of dancing and continued dancing wildly.

Sam and Francis, thanks for the wonderful night. And Theresa, nice to meet you. The next time, we should sit down and catch up longer than that night *smile*.

Looking forward for the next session :)















Til the next time lovelies. We took off at almost 3am. Gotta work the next day :(

Rain

I am enjoying my moment. Stuck in heavy rain near my old office, having a workshop later.

I'm smelling the smell of heavy rain. The familiar smell. The smell that I used to look forward to everytime December came.

This is the same smell that used to make me real happy when Grandma wrapped all of us with thick blanket and then made us hot Milo to drink with some fancy desert.

This is the same smell. The same feeling.

Still looking forward for this smell. Still loving the smell.

Being married

Obviously, before we got married Honey knew that he was getting married to a juicy, smart, funny, loving, wild and adventurous girl. And I am sure he knew what was he getting into.

That is why, Honey has given me the green light to join the travel group to Bali sometime before year end (I can't confirm the time yet, waiting for Lyn to come back to Malaysia). And, Honey has also given me the gold baton to pay a trip to Dee Anna baby in Sydney in August or September.

That doesn't include all the nights out that I have been enjoying, at least once a month.

Oh, did I tell you that he wouldn't mind if I want to join my friends for drinks and a lil bit of dancing session after work as long as they can fetch me home safely?

Being married doesn't mean that you need to stay at home, take care of your kids and just spread your legs whenever your husband gets turned on after seeing a pair of big boobs or bloody firm ass. Being married doesn't mean that you have to forget all your friends whom you've known for a good decade. Being married doesn't mean that you need to end your life.

Being married means; you've got to enjoy your life like you have never did. To be loved, to be taken care of and to be understood by your beloved partner. And most important is to be able to be your own self!

This is me. I know what am I doing. My hubby knows what is he doing. So who are you to judge?

My understatement

I tend to worry about too many things. I get worried too easily. I worry about everything around me. So I thought it was okay when I got very moody for one tiny thing and then started crying for nothing. It prolonged for few months until I realised that I might suffer from post-natal depression. It was bad. It was the worse time in my life. I was young and I was not ready. But no one could be as lucky as I was. I had one thing that others didn't have. My husband.

I have the most perfect husband on this whole planet earth. He has always been there for me. Even when I started shouting at him for something that I did wrong, he will just swallow his saliva and smiled weakly at me. I was angry all the time. I was sure that it was just because of tiredness, only to discover that I needed help.

It's been few years now. I hope that when we are both ready to get pregnant again, I won't need to start worrying about this all over again. God bless us.

Different world

Still on the same topic. High school and the past.

I have missed out a lot of my high school friends' weddings and engagement parties due to my own engagements. Feeling left out. But nobody's fault but mind.

Not that I have completely ignored my high school friends but apart from the really close ones, I kinda not liking the way the others bring themselves. Immature is the word to describe some of them.

They are like urm in a completely different world.

That was why I didn't invite most of them to my wedding. Not only because it was meant to only close family and friends but also because I was afraid that they couldn't cope with my current lifestyle.

Still, I am looking forward to attend their weddings or engagement parties if I am welcomed. So, do invite me if you want to have me on your beautiful days. Don't just jump into the conclusion that I am being lancee just because I do not mix around with you all. Send me the invitation first. Even if I cant make it to your big days, I will put effort to at least wish you the warm wishes or if you are lucky enough, I will invite you over to have dinner at my place. I am a nice person, believe me.

When we are grateful of what we have and not wanting to have more than what we should have

One of my high school friends tagged me in one of the high school class pictures in facebook. But I untagged it back.

The truth is, there are a lot of things which happened in my past that have been erased from my memory. Not with my consent but it already happened. So I am living on a limited sum of past memories by pretending that it is okay to forget few things. Those who have been with me through out these past few years might know. For those who know, will not try to bring up the past that is out of my league.

I am not wanting to force myself to remember. So I do appreciate if others do the same too.

Although, I hate the fact that there are a lot more memories that I would like to be erased which have never been erased. I will beg if I could but that's totally beyond my control.

To those who I don't remember, I am sorry. This is not what I wished to happen. Never did. Never wanted.