How to travel with a toddler

We have been traveling quite a bit with Isaac and now with Sophie. So I thought I'd share some tips for traveling with a young toddler that we have the privilege to learn the hard way, over the years ahahaha.

When you fly

1. Try to get your LO's nap times to work around the flights so that they will nap during the flight. 

2. Let your LO run around the airport before boarding (if your LO has started walking). That really helped my kids let off some steam and wear themselves out before getting on the plane.

3.  iPad. This is very convenient because there are apps on it that they could just play with and we also put their favorite shows or nursery rhymes on it.

4. People with babies are allowed to pre-board. This did NOT work for us. My advice, don't pre-board. If you are traveling with someone else, say your husband, let him board first and keep the hand-carry luggages in the overhead compartments and settle down. I will usually stay back at the boarding hall and let my kids play in the seats at the gate. We were always one of the last to board. That worked well because pre-boarding means you'd end up waiting for everyone to board the flight and that might be half an hour or so. That extra half an hour will just make your LO more antsy.

5.  Snacks - take plenty. They would munch every now and then and it kept them occupied. And full.

6. Window shade can be a toy - I had read this before, but it didn't really work for us. 

7. Goodie bags for other passengers seating near you - for when you are flying a long hour-flight. This goodie bags can contain ear plugs for when your baby screams, an apologetic note such as "I am so sorry that I cry and disturb your nap but I don't fly often and I am scared" or some snacks. I found people were generally NICE, sympathetic even, about traveling with a child but giving such goodie bag helps.

8. Books - We would take a new book and a favorite book. Someone recommended also taking sticker books, but Isaac had no interest in them. Sophie would just play with it for a bit and started getting upset that it didn't stay on my face when she stuck it there.

9. Toys - maybe  a few, but really you shouldn't need more. Plus, both my kids throw them on the floor. However, this could be quite a game, they would throw them and they'd go back to it. Keep them occupied. 

(But a little hindsight for #8 & #9, don't pack too much! The only thing I recommended to pack is 2 of your LO's favourite books, 1 toy and snacks. You will be tempted to bring more, but that gets in the way when you are trying to find something. Mine will be fascinated with stuff around them, like the tray table, the magazines and the window - use that to your advantage. Once they got tired of playing with one, I turned their attention to a book. Once they got tired of that, I turned their attention to the tray table, etc. Just cycle through the items and before you know it, you'll be descending toward the runway!)

10.  If your LO needs to run a bit or is getting antsy, take him/her for a diaper change. It's hard - yeah, but the change of scenery would do him/her good (before going back to the seats).

11. Parents always think of bringing spare outfits for them kids but never really thought of themselves. Bring a spare outfit for yourself in diaper bag or in overhead compartment just in case. My first born once vomited on me and I had no choice but smell like vomit until we landed in Auckland. That was an eleven hour flight!

12. Wrap or carrier - for when your LO is sleepy and refuse to nap, wear them and walk them around and they will fall asleep in a blink of an eye.

13. And if you are a breastfeeding mother, that is the biggest bonus of all. Keep nursing your LO especially during take off and taxi - it'll help to reduce the air pressure in their ears and ultimately keep them active and happy throughout the flight. And it helps if you wear a nursing friendly outfits. it'd save you from lifting up the entire beautiful flowy maxi dress you are wearing teheee :)

Do you have any other tips? Share with me, please.

How to keep yourself sane after a baby

I remember the first few weeks of having a new born at home. I was feeling euphoric every time I look at the newest member of our family. I couldn't resist playing with the tiny fingers, taking deep breaths and smell the sweet-sourish breaths, touching the soft skin, or repeatedly patting that rounded bum bum! I was under a spell even greater than when I fell in love with their father. In fact, both husband and I found ourselves spending hours on end just watching the new baby sleep.

Hundreds and hundreds of pictures taken until the phone memory blasted. But it was never enough. It was so magical. I didn't want to be anywhere other than with my baby - and with the family. Our little family. For a while, I locked the door and let only a few of my closest loved ones into our company. If possible, I might not even want to let anyone in and I felt okay with it. I didn't fancy an invite from a close friend to go out to have our regular girls night out. And even when I did, my mind was at home with my new baby. Some friends even judged but I was okay with it.

It took me a while to realise that I too should be looking after myself. I too deserve some time on my own. And I should not feel guilty about enjoying some time away from my family. This 'cocooning' phase is just me adjusting to my new life with a new member of the family but I should also give myself a chance to be happy. For I know that only when I am happy, I am the best mother or wife or anyone for that matter. So I thought I'd share some of the things that have been keeping me sane (post baby), in hopes that it might be helpful to some of the new or first time mummies...

1. Not to sound like a broken record, but I spend some time shopping online. There are so many affordable clothes on Zalora. Have a budget and (try to) stick to it. I usually buy something that is under RM100 and that new item in my closet gives such joy to me. For example this ALL UNDER RM99 deal. Trust me, you will find something you like and it will definitely make you a happier mother and wife without compromising on your budget!

2.  Go out for that girls night out with your bestfriend. If you are on shoestring budget, just pick a place that is not too pricey. You won't believe me but on some bad months, I still manage to go to a classy place such as WIP only with RM100 in my wallet and boy, we would have so much fun, its so good for the soul. Or you can go to places with Ladies Night like La Bodega Telawi on Thursday nights. That way, you could have fun for free. Sometimes, even an hour at a neighbourhood mamak like Devis makes me so happy. Anything that tickles your fancy, just make some time to go out with your girlfriend(s) and be happy for an hour or two without thinking about your baby(ies). Once you are done, go home, fresh and be that kick-ass mummy you are!

3. Pamper yourself with a good massage. If you could afford more, go to a nice spa and have that well deserved relaxing treatment. Massages also help with your milk production, if you are a breastfeeding mummy.

4. Get pretty, gals. Looking at that well groomed nails, face, hair and legs will make you feel so powerful and confident of yourself. No, you don't need to spend too much at one go. Choose one treatment in a month. I'd do nails this month and hair next. Vice versa. Here is one nails promo that you can give a try.

Anyway, don't ever forget, you are yourself first before a wife or a mother. You deserve to be happy.

Hope this helps and make every moment count. Whatever you choose to do, own it, gal!

My breastfeeding journey

Today marks 537 days of my breastfeeding journey.

Phew, let me take a minute and say my gratitude to the Higher Above.

I have been wanting to write about my breastfeeding journey but I kept putting it on hold. Procrastination is one. But mainly because I wanted it to be perfect. Hence all the unfinished drafts, growing fungal in my draft folder. But when I saw Adriana's post, I thought, ah screw it, it cannot get any more perfect that it already is. After all, it is my story. A story that I am very proud of.

Let me start by highlighting that my breastfeeding journey hasn't been an easy one. But precious nonetheless.

The push factor

I only breastfed Isaac for a week. I thought I didn't have enough milk (read I assumed). I thought he cried because he didn't have enough. People around me were pestering me to give formula milk. I obliged. I was young and uninformed. Period.

The thing that really moved me to breastfeed my second born was actually a very petty thing. Nothing gungho like health or anything huge - I met a mom of two during one of our many visits to the fertility centre. This wonderful woman was sharing her story and she made a direct comparison between her two kids. The one that she breastfed was very close and clingy to her whereas the other one was a bit distant.

That was it! I need to breastfeed my second born, I said to myself. Yup, I have always wanted a clingy child.


So when we managed to conceive Sophie, I made a promise to myself that I will read more and learn as much as I can possible do to keep myself motivated. I did research online, I bought books & I joined support groups. I learnt on the benefits of breastmilk (scientific and non scientific). I dug out all the case studies. I bugged my doctor with neverending questions. I made a list of potential challenges i.e. possible let down (which I never faced because I never had that much milk), what to do when my breasts are engorged, how to deal with sore nipples, the right way of latching and unlatching, the right posture and position while breastfeeding, which food to avoid that will dry up my supply and the list goes on and on.

So when we welcomed Sophie into the world, I was  we were ready.

The challenges

1. Similar to the first time I tried breastfeeding, 10 years ago, this time was no different. I wasn't one with abundant of milk. But this time, I am smarter teheee. My milk wasn't a lot, but it was enough. Sure I needed to try all sort of ways to produce enough for my babygirl, and it could get a bit tiring at times but it was not impossible.
2. I have sensitive nipples. They were sore almost all the time. Even before my babygirl had teeth. Of course it got worst the moment her first tooth came out #ouch.
3. Once the confinement was over, I had to go back to work. And my job is not a deskbound job. I was always out of the office especially when I was freelancing. So I didn't have proper places to express my milk. This means I had to pump wherever whenever possible. Among the places you might spot me :-

• In the car. 
• In public suraus.
• Inside clients' cubicles - I had to ask a few clients (during meetings at clients' offices) to use their cubicle because I was really low on supply and if I did not do this, Sophie won't have enough for tomorrow. In case you are wondering, I cried while pumping.
• In empty meeting rooms - at clients' office, in my office (my first job after confinement was at MGB and my ex colleague was a very nice lady (Rest In Peace, Heidi). She made sure I had a space to pump and she made sure people did not bother me whilst pumping).
• In empty halls at hotels (when I had events at hotels).
• Underneath my table - I was freelancing a lot at the end of 2014 so my jobs were projects based therefore I wasn't given a room, only an open workspace.
• In a cramp storeroom with no aircond nor fan.
• Toilets (during desperate moments and then I read about the bacterias that can 'jump' into my milk and pollute it and can possibly harm my baby. I cried (again) and stopped pumping in toilets. I cringed everytime I think about this).
• Everywhere in the office - walking around in and out of meetings with a Freemie hanging on my neck. I looked like I had a bad boob job (senget and oversized boobs all).

4. After MGB, I wasn't blessed with great amazing bosses who would understand my need to pump during working hours. There were times when I had to literally cry to show that I REALLY needed to pump! I was questioned on my whereabouts (padahal I was only gone for 10 minutes). I had to bring my laptop and worked while pumping in the storeroom/surau but I still got the stink eye once I finished. Sigh. 

How I managed it

For lacking supply:-

• I take a lot of booster food. There are different type of milk boosters for every individuals. Mine are longan, soya bean, any type of soup, papaya and fresh milk.
• I drink plenty of plain water - 4 litre a day.
• I don't skip meals - this means I eat lotsa carbs.
• I go for body massage on monthly basis. The massage helps to circulate my blood and essentially promotes my milk production. Also, it helps to keep me sane.
• The first few months were the toughest. My milk supply was considered low. I only had enough for one day supply at the nursery. And one thing I learnt was to always pump on schedule. During the first year, I never missed a session even if it meant I needed to cry to convince someone. At night, I'd try to wake up for my power pumpings every 2 hours. Today, I have officially stopped pumping because babygirl refuses to drink expressed milk at the school (surviving on water and food). But she is still exclusively breastfed. That means, I am a fulltime cow after 6pm, she is practically hanging around my boobs the entire night (even in sleep). 
• I made sure I got myself proper pump. There are plenty of good and affordable pumps in the market. Shop around. And if you can afford it, get a set of Freemie too. 

Dealing with sore nipples. Despite the so called prepared knowledge of latching it right to avoid sore nipples, I still faced this horrible challenge. My nipples were dry and cracked. I learnt that I should let her self-latch so I did, I let her do her thing. However, Sophie was having a hard time opening her tiny mouth so she usually just settled with whatever she could get (I guess for as long as there was milk). At times, I will provide help and it resulted to a pain-free latch. But most of the times, I was too tired and disoriented for lack of sleep so I just bit my tongue and let her latch however way she liked. And yes it hurt like hell #truestory. But I never gave up, I just kept biting my tongue and think of happy thoughts (or a brand new Prada hubby got me after I was discharged hehe. Upah beranak he said lol).

Anyway, I usually applied some of my milk on them nipples and air them. I did not use bras at home because I was just too lazy to do all of the buckle-unbuckle everytime she needed her milk. And this girl drank every 15 minutes #phew. Do note that wearing bra can make things worst as the bra will rub against your nipples and caused irritation so yup, apply your amazing-milk on your nipples and just air them. It will heal very fast, I am not kidding. I did have some lanolin cream but I seldom used them. Too lazy.

Sophie learnt to latch properly after a few weeks but my nipples are still sore from time to time. There's nothing much I could do except berserah. Hahaha.

At work, especially with bosses, I just learnt to ignore them and continued doing my part. Buying Freemie was also the best decision I have ever made during my breastfeeding journey (big thank you to my hubby). It helped save time and basically shut them mouths up. So what if I entered a meeting room with my pump buzzing, making noises that distracted them - as requested, I did not 'waste' my time at work by skipping my 10 - 15 minutes break of pumping in the storeroom (eventhough I deserved them). Yup, I practically ignored all the stares because I knew I was doing what's best for everyone - my baby, my selfish boss and myself. And I was proud of myself.

With colleagues and clients were somewhat easier. I just needed to tell them that I needed to take 10 minutes break in between meetings to pump and nobody has ever said anything nasty. Not to my face at least.

As for nursing in public, I never bothered any negative remarks. So it was never a problem to me. Still isn't. Come to think of it, why would I? 

Ultimately, the reason why I am still standing today, proudly saying that I have been breastfeeding my baby for 537 days is because of my husband. I am not bragging but truthfully, I have the most supportive husband. My husband would comfort me when I was down. He would drive me for an emergency massage late at night when I thought my supply dropped due to my body ache. He would do just anything to make me feel good. There was one time when I was so down and I blamed my pump for the lack of supply. So he went to buy another manual pump to motivate me. Yup, still there in the cabinet. Haven't even touched it hehe.

My message to fellow mummies out there

Do what you think is best for you and your baby. If you think you can and able to breastfeed your baby, do it. And when you decide to do it, be informed. Don't let a few negative remarks demotivate you. There are so many support groups that you can join. The one that I am fairly active in is The Breastfeeding Advocates Network on Facebook.

Of course, make sure you take everything with a pinch of salt. Do not be all emotional reading people's posts and most importantly, once you have learnt a thing or two, do not go preaching around and hurt people's feeling. Everyone is different and it is not your right to judge.

It has been a wonderful journey for me and I look forward for many more months (even years if I can) of breastfeeding my beautiful babygirl. And as overwhelming and time consuming as my breastfeeding journey has been, its benefits far outweigh anything unpleasant and I pray for the same for every mummies! #breastfeedingrocks

Please take part in this poll to help raise awareness of the need to support working mummies to continue breastfeeding. Thank you!

A new technique to calm an agitated toddler

Hubs and I have been trying a new technique/trick/way in handling Sophie when she's a lil out of control/agitated and starts throwing tantrums.

And today we concluded that it works!

How? We hug her. We literally force-hug her.

Yes. Hug your kids! Hug them tight. They might struggle a little (it is human nature for us to push people away when we are down, oddly).

But just keep hugging them. This action gives them assurance that you are not there to judge them, but to pick them up when they are down. They will eventually calm down. And after a few times, they learnt that this is their comfort zone and they feel easily at ease without a need to push us away.

Give it a try and let me know if it works for you too!

Parenting 101: Six tips to handle your upset child

I am not a parenting expert. But I am that type who'd go around finding tips and tricks to be better. So I thought I'd share with you some tips in handling our kids when they are upset - which I learnt from different sources throughout my eleven-bittersweet-years of parenthood. Maybe you might find it useful.

Don’t scream at your children

I don’t know about you. But when people treat me like shit, I will return the favor. Same goes to when people scream at me, it is very likely that I will scream back. So I think it is the same thing with our children. When they are so used to be screamed at or scolded – they’d act the same. When they feel hurt, they think it is only right to hurt back. So, they throw tantrum. They scream their lungs out. After all, our children are the mirror of ourselves.

Try not to scold your children in public

They feel embarrassed too. It is just not nice. I would prefer to wait until we leave the place, but sometimes when we need to do it, we will just pull him aside and speak to him softly.

We have started to practise this with Sophie too. And she seems to get it. We speak very softly, explaining to her that she should not scream and throw things. Her tantrums also seem to mellow out. From screaming down to just hand gestures.

Be sensitive towards their feeling.

Say sorry

Yes, apologise to your children. I lose my temper all the time. But immediately after I realised what I did, I apologise. It can get very emotional. Isaac will usually just keep quiet when I scold him (and lose temper) but he tends to cry when I say sorry. It shows that he appreciates it. It proves that he wasn’t the only one making mistake in the room, Mummy did too.

Don’t compare your child to another!

For vuren’s sake, don’t la compare your child to others. Especially when the comparison is done so openly and so directly in front of your own child. Of course it makes the other kid (and his parent) feel good, but imagine what impact would it give to yours?

I know grass always looks greener on the other side. But it is not. For all you know, the other parent is just good at handling the kids in public to avoid any unwanted scene. Her child might be similar to yours (whatever trait you choose to compare that is). But you comparing your child with hers can potentially bring your child’s confidence down. I wouldn’t want my husband to compare me to another woman.

Praise your child

What could possibly go wrong when you compliment a child? They do something good – praise. It is one of the most effective tools that we parents can use. Some say that it is a bad idea to praise the children too much. To me, based on my own experience, as a child and with my children – praising is harmless. It is a great reverse physiological method to encourage them to do good. And it teaches them to appreciate.

I know I feel very good when hubs praise me - I'd stop sulking almost instantly.

Provide explanation

A friend was just telling me how tired it can get when we need to explain every act to our kids. To me, it is simple. It is good to explain to our children when we ask them to do something or not to do something. It isn’t fair if we just give an order without explanation. I too can be very impatient. Isaac can get very chatty. But I will still try to explain to him as much as I can. Nowadays is a lot easier, after years of practice – he now understands that he should only expect a simple explanation on why I ask him to do something. Or in most cases, not to do something.

However, justifying our every act to the children is another thing. I personally don’t think we need to justify everything. I think the children still need to know the boundary. I am not even talking about how our parents then did it i.e. slap us hard on our faces if we interrupt the adults’ conversation. No I am not talking about that.

What I am saying is, we as parents should teach the children the fine line between questioning us and asking questions. Because questioning us as parents will just make us feel doubted. And where I come from, it is a little rude. Of course it works both ways but I am a little biased here.

I do believe in the equality between parents and children. But I am still a bit ol school in that sense where I believe children should still respect their parents first before anything.

Parenting 101: Vaccinate your child!

You know the time when you saw a parent doing something incredibly stupid and it got you thinking, oh no they didn't!

Many of us parent by instinct, and that approach works well much of the time. Smart parenting, in addition, is really about conscious decision making; selecting choices based on what we feel is best for our children in the short term and the long term. Decision making starts from day one: Breastfeed or formula feed? Which vaccines and when? Many smart parents like to think of parenting as a "reverse engineering" process - that is, always keeping the end goal in sight. But we also realise that everybody has limited time and resources, so it is all about balance.

Ultimately, our goal as parents is to create the optimal environment for our children. Therefore, it is important to read, read & never stop reading! I have said this many times in my posts and during my conversations with fellow parents, but I can never say it enough. Spare some time to read. What's new, what are the do's and the don'ts!

Be responsible - Vaccinate your child!

There are surely enough data to show that vaccines do save lives and protect against illness. The extent of that benefits may be debatable but it is significant, nonetheless. There are also safety concerns, as with any medications, in that there are not - and never can be- enough data to guarantee the safety of vaccinations in any given individual, especially as they interact with other vaccines, viruses, drugs, food, and that person's specific internal 'environment'. I know this first hand because it happened to one of my closest friends' son. He got sick after his pneumococcal vaccine. Although, his doctor didn't actually manage to conclude whether or not his unwell-being was caused by that.
I also know someone whose kid got sick (he was fully vaccinated) because of something he got from the nursery.

So what are we left with? We rely on our hearts and our gut instincts - backed up with the data and advices from our paediatricians. It has been concluded that vaccines are much likely to benefit our children than harm them and are helpful to the long term health not only for our children but of the population at large. See how responsible we are when we decide to vaccinate our children?

Study shows that vaccines prevent disease and infant deaths every year. Vaccinating your child helps not only your child, but protect others who might be particularly vulnerable to these threatening diseases, such as grandparents, infant siblings, pregnant women or other kids with have low immune system or some sort.

Some debate on how our grandparents and their parents didn't get vaccinated and yet they lived!

That is not entirely true. A friend shared in her Facebook post that her grandfather had a few siblings but only two survived. Even some of us didn't get many of the current vaccines. We missed seven to fourteen days or so of school for chicken pox and some of us will suffer shingles when that virus resurfaces in us later in life. Our parents suffered with us and stayed home from work, too. One in a thousand of our parents' generation who got measles developed brain dysfunction. A lot of kids died in previous eras due to the vaccine-preventable diseases. Vaccination has promoted a better quality of life and has allowed more of us to survive and have children of our own.

Through vaccines, we can achieve what's referred to as herd immunity, making diseases so uncommon in the environment that some are eventually eradicated. And we no longer need the vaccine. The best example is the global elimination of smallpox. We were very close to eliminating polio until a few countries declined immunisation for a few years, allowing it to resurface in their populations and then spread to others.

There are estimations to how many people to be vaccinated to prevent diseases and deaths. In short, by vaccinating our child, we contribute in preventing unwanted disease on another innocent child and subsequently, prevent death from happening. Especially those who are not responding well to vaccines or worst those children who suffer from allergies towards vaccinations and cannot get vaccinated (although, with close monitoring and a few standard precautions, nearly all children with known or suspected vaccine allergies can be safely immunized; but of course as parents, the risk freak you out and you decide not to go ahead with the immunisations and rely on the herd immunity). You can read about the vaccines allergy here. 

I learnt a lot on the many whys we should vaccinate our child at our paed's clinic during my recent visit to get Sophie vaccinated for Chicken Pox. You wouldn't believe the nobel thing we do when we decide to vaccinate our child. Infection often leads to hospitalisation and potentially a host of other exposures and lifelong complications, not to mention that infections put others around you at risks as well.

Here in Malaysia, we are so blessed with such facility provided by the Department of Health - we get to vaccinate our child for free at Klinik Kesihatan which is available at every district. For those un-compulsory/optional vaccinations, you can get them at any private clinic or hospital for reasonable prices. The rates differ based on the institution so shop around and choose what's best for your budget.

And please lah - don't go around complaining that you don't vaccinate your child because you can't afford it. Drop the temptations to eat out, shop for luxury items, change all your furniture for raya, pay for a holiday abroad or own an iPhone - use that cash for your child's vaccination instead!

Be a responsible human being and parent, vaccinate your child!

Here is Sophie's vaccination schedule as reference.