Terrible 18 month old: tantrums handling

Sophie is now 18mo and she will occasionally have meltdowns, usually when she's hungry or tired or didn't get enough sleep. When that happens, hubs and I will try very hard to soothe the savage upset baby of ours but really, there's no easy way to do it. She will harden her body and cry her heart out! And sometimes the more we soothe her, the worst it gets. She seems to understand that mummy and daddy are going to keep trying and entertain her tantrums so she continues her act #diva #slapsforehead.

When she was younger, I will force-hug her and it immediately calmed her down. But these days, immediate act doesn't seem to do the magic anymore. So I will just sit next to her (and sometimes pretend to ignore) and wait for her to burn herself out. After a while, she will come to me and sit on my lap and this is the moment I will do the calming-her-down part by rubbing her back and talking to her softly (and I eventually offer my boobies lah). 

I am fully aware that she is trying to express her frustration over something that she is not happy about - it can either caused by the fact that she didn't manage to do something she wanted to do or we told her she could not do something. Mix in with the fact she hasn't gotten her nap or didn't eat her lunch properly, and BOOM!


So we will try our best to ensure that she is well rested and well fed. One of the tips I learnt to make sure she really naps during her nap time is by getting her to play and burn out her energy just before nap time - it helps her to get tired enough to fall asleep faster. Another tip will be the usage of white noise. We have been using white noise since her birth and it does wonders (downloaded and played on iPad). You can also make sure the room your baby sleeps in is dark. As dark as possible to promote melatonin production (body's natural sleep hormone).

As for making sure they eat well. Despite my crazy hardworking cooking activities, preparing her food - Sophie sometimes refuses to eat her homemade food so we just constantly feed her food (any food she'd eat) throughout the day. I am not sure how else to do this. Do you have any tips?

My breastfeeding journey

Today marks 537 days of my breastfeeding journey.

Phew, let me take a minute and say my gratitude to the Higher Above.

I have been wanting to write about my breastfeeding journey but I kept putting it on hold. Procrastination is one. But mainly because I wanted it to be perfect. Hence all the unfinished drafts, growing fungal in my draft folder. But when I saw Adriana's post, I thought, ah screw it, it cannot get any more perfect that it already is. After all, it is my story. A story that I am very proud of.

Let me start by highlighting that my breastfeeding journey hasn't been an easy one. But precious nonetheless.

The push factor

I only breastfed Isaac for a week. I thought I didn't have enough milk (read I assumed). I thought he cried because he didn't have enough. People around me were pestering me to give formula milk. I obliged. I was young and uninformed. Period.

The thing that really moved me to breastfeed my second born was actually a very petty thing. Nothing gungho like health or anything huge - I met a mom of two during one of our many visits to the fertility centre. This wonderful woman was sharing her story and she made a direct comparison between her two kids. The one that she breastfed was very close and clingy to her whereas the other one was a bit distant.

That was it! I need to breastfeed my second born, I said to myself. Yup, I have always wanted a clingy child.


So when we managed to conceive Sophie, I made a promise to myself that I will read more and learn as much as I can possible do to keep myself motivated. I did research online, I bought books & I joined support groups. I learnt on the benefits of breastmilk (scientific and non scientific). I dug out all the case studies. I bugged my doctor with neverending questions. I made a list of potential challenges i.e. possible let down (which I never faced because I never had that much milk), what to do when my breasts are engorged, how to deal with sore nipples, the right way of latching and unlatching, the right posture and position while breastfeeding, which food to avoid that will dry up my supply and the list goes on and on.

So when we welcomed Sophie into the world, I was  we were ready.

The challenges

1. Similar to the first time I tried breastfeeding, 10 years ago, this time was no different. I wasn't one with abundant of milk. But this time, I am smarter teheee. My milk wasn't a lot, but it was enough. Sure I needed to try all sort of ways to produce enough for my babygirl, and it could get a bit tiring at times but it was not impossible.
2. I have sensitive nipples. They were sore almost all the time. Even before my babygirl had teeth. Of course it got worst the moment her first tooth came out #ouch.
3. Once the confinement was over, I had to go back to work. And my job is not a deskbound job. I was always out of the office especially when I was freelancing. So I didn't have proper places to express my milk. This means I had to pump wherever whenever possible. Among the places you might spot me :-

• In the car. 
• In public suraus.
• Inside clients' cubicles - I had to ask a few clients (during meetings at clients' offices) to use their cubicle because I was really low on supply and if I did not do this, Sophie won't have enough for tomorrow. In case you are wondering, I cried while pumping.
• In empty meeting rooms - at clients' office, in my office (my first job after confinement was at MGB and my ex colleague was a very nice lady (Rest In Peace, Heidi). She made sure I had a space to pump and she made sure people did not bother me whilst pumping).
• In empty halls at hotels (when I had events at hotels).
• Underneath my table - I was freelancing a lot at the end of 2014 so my jobs were projects based therefore I wasn't given a room, only an open workspace.
• In a cramp storeroom with no aircond nor fan.
• Toilets (during desperate moments and then I read about the bacterias that can 'jump' into my milk and pollute it and can possibly harm my baby. I cried (again) and stopped pumping in toilets. I cringed everytime I think about this).
• Everywhere in the office - walking around in and out of meetings with a Freemie hanging on my neck. I looked like I had a bad boob job (senget and oversized boobs all).

4. After MGB, I wasn't blessed with great amazing bosses who would understand my need to pump during working hours. There were times when I had to literally cry to show that I REALLY needed to pump! I was questioned on my whereabouts (padahal I was only gone for 10 minutes). I had to bring my laptop and worked while pumping in the storeroom/surau but I still got the stink eye once I finished. Sigh. 

How I managed it

For lacking supply:-

• I take a lot of booster food. There are different type of milk boosters for every individuals. Mine are longan, soya bean, any type of soup, papaya and fresh milk.
• I drink plenty of plain water - 4 litre a day.
• I don't skip meals - this means I eat lotsa carbs.
• I go for body massage on monthly basis. The massage helps to circulate my blood and essentially promotes my milk production. Also, it helps to keep me sane.
• The first few months were the toughest. My milk supply was considered low. I only had enough for one day supply at the nursery. And one thing I learnt was to always pump on schedule. During the first year, I never missed a session even if it meant I needed to cry to convince someone. At night, I'd try to wake up for my power pumpings every 2 hours. Today, I have officially stopped pumping because babygirl refuses to drink expressed milk at the school (surviving on water and food). But she is still exclusively breastfed. That means, I am a fulltime cow after 6pm, she is practically hanging around my boobs the entire night (even in sleep). 
• I made sure I got myself proper pump. There are plenty of good and affordable pumps in the market. Shop around. And if you can afford it, get a set of Freemie too. 

Dealing with sore nipples. Despite the so called prepared knowledge of latching it right to avoid sore nipples, I still faced this horrible challenge. My nipples were dry and cracked. I learnt that I should let her self-latch so I did, I let her do her thing. However, Sophie was having a hard time opening her tiny mouth so she usually just settled with whatever she could get (I guess for as long as there was milk). At times, I will provide help and it resulted to a pain-free latch. But most of the times, I was too tired and disoriented for lack of sleep so I just bit my tongue and let her latch however way she liked. And yes it hurt like hell #truestory. But I never gave up, I just kept biting my tongue and think of happy thoughts (or a brand new Prada hubby got me after I was discharged hehe. Upah beranak he said lol).

Anyway, I usually applied some of my milk on them nipples and air them. I did not use bras at home because I was just too lazy to do all of the buckle-unbuckle everytime she needed her milk. And this girl drank every 15 minutes #phew. Do note that wearing bra can make things worst as the bra will rub against your nipples and caused irritation so yup, apply your amazing-milk on your nipples and just air them. It will heal very fast, I am not kidding. I did have some lanolin cream but I seldom used them. Too lazy.

Sophie learnt to latch properly after a few weeks but my nipples are still sore from time to time. There's nothing much I could do except berserah. Hahaha.

At work, especially with bosses, I just learnt to ignore them and continued doing my part. Buying Freemie was also the best decision I have ever made during my breastfeeding journey (big thank you to my hubby). It helped save time and basically shut them mouths up. So what if I entered a meeting room with my pump buzzing, making noises that distracted them - as requested, I did not 'waste' my time at work by skipping my 10 - 15 minutes break of pumping in the storeroom (eventhough I deserved them). Yup, I practically ignored all the stares because I knew I was doing what's best for everyone - my baby, my selfish boss and myself. And I was proud of myself.

With colleagues and clients were somewhat easier. I just needed to tell them that I needed to take 10 minutes break in between meetings to pump and nobody has ever said anything nasty. Not to my face at least.

As for nursing in public, I never bothered any negative remarks. So it was never a problem to me. Still isn't. Come to think of it, why would I? 

Ultimately, the reason why I am still standing today, proudly saying that I have been breastfeeding my baby for 537 days is because of my husband. I am not bragging but truthfully, I have the most supportive husband. My husband would comfort me when I was down. He would drive me for an emergency massage late at night when I thought my supply dropped due to my body ache. He would do just anything to make me feel good. There was one time when I was so down and I blamed my pump for the lack of supply. So he went to buy another manual pump to motivate me. Yup, still there in the cabinet. Haven't even touched it hehe.

My message to fellow mummies out there

Do what you think is best for you and your baby. If you think you can and able to breastfeed your baby, do it. And when you decide to do it, be informed. Don't let a few negative remarks demotivate you. There are so many support groups that you can join. The one that I am fairly active in is The Breastfeeding Advocates Network on Facebook.

Of course, make sure you take everything with a pinch of salt. Do not be all emotional reading people's posts and most importantly, once you have learnt a thing or two, do not go preaching around and hurt people's feeling. Everyone is different and it is not your right to judge.

It has been a wonderful journey for me and I look forward for many more months (even years if I can) of breastfeeding my beautiful babygirl. And as overwhelming and time consuming as my breastfeeding journey has been, its benefits far outweigh anything unpleasant and I pray for the same for every mummies! #breastfeedingrocks

Please take part in this poll to help raise awareness of the need to support working mummies to continue breastfeeding. Thank you!

Fully DIY'd First Birthday Party

I have been wanting to write about Sophie's first birthday party for a while now but everytime I try to get to writing it - Sophie will cry out for me, for milk or simply to cling on me. So the first cut has been in the Draft folder since March. Today, I had a bit of time to dig out her birthday party pictures from the hard disc whilst she watches Sesame Street on the TV, so here it goes...

Sophie's First Birthday Party

I wanted to make her first birthday party special eventhough some poeple were telling me that it wasn't worth it as she would not even remember it so I decided to fully DIY the entire party - that means, I planned, executed and decorated mostly everything at the party myself. The whole process was quite a joy so I thought I'd share it with you here.

Firstly, without a doubt, good quality photos are a must as proofs that Mummy put a lot of effort to show how her first birthday party went, when she's able to understand it. So it is very important that you have someone to capture all this beautiful and priceless moments. Don't try to be a super-mummy by trying to do everthing by yourself. During the party, you wont have the time to take the pictures by yourself. Neither does your hubby! You will need to be the host and you would want to enjoy the moment without stressing yourself out. I hired my ex colleague, AJ to capture our moments. A young chap with great talent and very easy to work with.

The planning took months but I knew exactly what I wanted for Sophie's first birthday party. It had to be girly & magical! So the moment I set the theme for the party - everything else was easy. The theme? Of course Pink-Everthing and Pink Unicorn! Because our Sophie is our miracle baby, this was the only way to go!

String Polaroids in Big Frames

I had the frame made in a frame shop in Oldtown Petaling Jaya for RM75. And as for the polaroid photos, I used this software to create instant polaroid photos which were then sent to shop to be developed and cut to Polaroid sizes. It was so easy and fun to make!

Pennant Banners

I got the ideas from, of course, Pinterest. I actually had so much fun doing this. Getting the designs and printed and cut them and then changed my mind and went through the whole process all over again lol. Try it, it is kinda addictive - this whole DIY-artsy fartsy stuff.

Table decors

My bestfriend help made these cute baby booties. They are so cute! You can watch the tutorial here. 

The wands were made out of glitter foam sheets - I just cut them into star shapes and stuck two pieces together using double sided tape and glued the rods (that I have wrapped with ribbons) together. I learnt it from here.

And then, there were the cups, serviettes and placemats. Fully customised, of course!

The venue

I wanted to host the party at somewhere spacious with natural lighting. Natural lighting is best for an event like this. You will agree with me once you see all the pictures taken. Anyway, I found this place at The School, Jaya One called Fuwa-Fuwa Bakery Cafe while going through the venue options online. It was perfect. Not only because it was what I wanted, it was also because of the location. It was located in The School, Jaya One which is very children friendly mall. And the owner, Rainbow was such a pleasant lady. They were very accommodative with my requests and demands.

The chalkboard-inspired signage

Hubby helped me to design this. Initially, we wanted to print it on a canvas paper to act as a photobooth but the printer that we were supposed to use was close that week. He was my regular vendor for most of my events. I did not want to use a different printer as I was not willing to spend too much on this. Hence we made do with an A3 print and I attached the print on a hard board to create a bigger signage. You can find these designs on Pinterest.

Goodie bags

Because we were having young toddlers at this party, we wanted to give safe and non-choking toys as the goodies. We bought some loose items to be put in the goodie bags from a few shops in Oldtown Petaling Jaya. Oldtown is heaven for all this DIY business. I printed the label on matte sticker papers and stuck them on plain paper bags. You can get the paper bags from art stores - I got mine at this art shop in The Gardens.

Dessert Table

The cakes, cupcakes and cookies were made by my uncle whom is an amazing pastry chef in The Hilton KL. Check out his Instagram account for his amazing work. And I can tell you that these are not just good looking cakes, they taste as good as they look!

This cake was sugar free cake. I got the recipe online, shared it with my uncle and he made it happen. You can check the recipes out here.

Play area

We placed a mat and some toys below this canopy that we got from Ikea as the play area for the kids. It was quite a good idea for the guests knew exactly where to put their kids and babies to play whilst they catch up with each other.

We really had a gala time. The birthday girl was so well-behaved. Everything was so surreal. I mean, I couldn't believe it that my babygirl was turning 1yo already. Oh man. And I was so glad that I managed to actually DIY almost everything for Sophie's first birthday party.  Thank you, everyone who made time to share this beautiful moment with us. I cannot wait to plan for her second birthday party!

Gadgets for children. Yay or nay?

I have been following the #prochoice hashtag on Twitter. This time, it wasn't about abortion but gentle-birthing. A topic I had a lot of interest in during my second pregnancy.

I have a lot to write about this and I have started putting my thoughts into a draft but with all the articles and news that are being shared lately, I chose not to publish it - just yet.

What I can share with you is, I agree that I need to be the one deciding what's best for my body and my baby. However, I do not condone any act that can possibly be harmful for me or my baby. 

It is good to do your research but make sure you are properly informed. Don't just jump into the bandwagon, just so. Period.

Anyway, speaking about choice, hubby and I decided long time ago that we will not be one of those parents who will easily hand their kid a gadget just to shut him/her up. Of course, we understand the advantages and disadvantages of gadgets. We are not saying that any kid with access to gadgets will eventually grow up with terrible aggression or will have problem with their brains development. We are just not a fan of such convenient parenting, if that makes sense.

As parents, we would like to try our best in comforting them when they are unhappy. We would like to entertain them when they are bored. We would like to play with them when they are high on sugar. And after all the efforts, if by giving a limited access to gadgets can make them feel better, why (the hell) not? Sure, they can have their time playing games on iPad or watching cartoons on iPad but it must be controllable.

I know kids who are so smart. There is one boy who was able to read his ABC at the age of 2 and half. And all he ever done is playing with his iPad. And his social skill isn't bad too. Wow!

We are aware that a lot of learning happens before the age of five. And if possible, we would like to maximise the learning process during this stage. At the same time, we would very much like our children to have as much fun as we did during our time.

I did not grow up with a lot of toys. However, I was exposed to more traditional play. I played with my friends almost every evening (after I was done with homework that was) and I can still remember the joy until this day. I remember each and every one of my friends in a very special way eventhough we are no longer in touch. It is amazing what long-term effects traditional play can have on one’s brain.

My hubby on the other hand used to get a toy each month. Just one, so he learnt to appreciate his toys. If you come to our house, you will see how well he takes care of his toys. He still have his childhood toys to date. All nicely displayed in a glass cabinet. He wouldn't even let Isaac or Sophie play with them.

Non of us had the luxury of playing with gadgets in our time. Of course, gadgets were not easily available back then. Owning a PC at home was already good enough. Today, every household has at least two gadgets. We have about 10 gadgets at home ourselves. 

There are a lot of studies that proved gadgets can cause a lot of bad effects. But there are also studies that show otherwise. My suggestion is, take everything with a pinch of salt. After all, most, if not all parents want the best for their kids. 

For us, we give Isaac an hour a day during weekend and school holiday. And sometimes we let him be on iPad or PlayStation as a reward when he does something good. As for Sophie, we only started introducing iPad to her recently (in an effort to keep her on her carseat). She is not really a fan of it though. She will only watch her cartoons on iPad during car rides, or when we give it to her. Even that, she will only watch it for 15 minutes? But it's way too early to tell. Let's see :)

Nah, some pictures of Sophie on iPad :)

So serious. Like a bawse!

Because one gadget is not enough?

Pink everything!

Because watching Sesame Street is such a serious business

Life post Sophie Olivia

We haven't been able to do things we used to do BS (before Sophie). We haven't been going out for late night suppers, movies, karaokes, steamboats and a lot other things. It required a lot of patience, discipline and negotiations with Isaac but I think we did pretty well. So recently, we decided to slowly introduce her to our life BS lol.

We started to do a bit more traveling. And goddamn, it has been soooo much fun! 

Last month, we were at Rembau for a friend's daughter's akikah and hubs decided to just drive down to Malacca and spend a night. 

 The usual walk at Jonker Street. It was a lil too hot for Sophie though so we needed to cut it short and we came back at night for Pasar Malam but then it was too crowded to walk pulak -_-

The famous Klebang Coconut Shake. I wasn't really pleased. It was just okay. I felt like the coconut was too old and hard. Hubs said, it was really good. So maybe its just me. 

Durian cendol. Pheww, to die for I tell you. Sooooo good!

And during the long weekend of Labor Day, we went for our first proper family holiday at Langkawi. The beach was so beautiful. We had a perfect holiday despite some crazy hiccups (will save it for another post, if I have the time that is).

 Sunset at Chenang Beach.

We were a bit worried for Sophie as this was her first time at the beach. This girl sweats a lot and when she does, she gets irritated and cry. But thank the heaven, she had a blast at the beach. We were there for 3 days and she didn't show any discomfort at all. Such a darling!

This was my second time in Langkawi. The first time I came here was, when I was in elementary school, with my family. And I honestly didn't have high hope when hubs chose Langkawi for our family holiday. Well, I am not really a fan of our local beaches, mainly because of all the restrictions set by the locals. It is such a turn off, despite crazy beautiful beaches we have. So I have set my mind to just try to enjoy spending time with my family and don't expect it to be like our other beach holidays. But boy, wrong I was. We had so much fun. The locals were surprisingly so welcoming and I honestly didn't feed judged at all. The beaches were beautiful and clean. The sky was blue. And the food was so delicious and cheap!

Last week, we went back to visit my grandmother. As usual, going back to Kelantan means, food galore! Managed to eat almost everything I craved for - nasi kerabu, nasi berlauk, nasi kapit, pengat pisang, local kuehs.

Pengat Pisang by my aunt.

Apart from food, the only other thing I can vouch for is that Kelantan is probably the hottest state in Malaysia. It was crazy hot, we needed to put Sophie in the freezer to cool down hehe. I swear those people living there are crazy tough to survive the days without aircond and all.

And this week, we are going to Janda Baik for my high school reunion. Cannot wait to meet my friends. It has been so many years since I last met some of them.

Is my first born hurting?

Isaac was the only child for 10 years so we were pretty much everything he's got. His world revolved around us and so did ours. Thus, when we got pregnant again, to avoid him feeling left out and abandoned, we made sure he was involved in everything. From choosing the second baby's name (actually I had the name since forever but I made him believe that he was the one who gave that name - Isaac, if you are reading this means you are old enough to understand that mummy just wanted you to feel special and you did, contribute in Sophie's name, you gave mummy the green light) to shopping for his baby sister's clothes and having him by my side at every doctor's check up. In fact, he always thought it was him who made it happened - me getting pregnant was due to the luck that he shared with me. My baby is a drama king. Don't know who he takes it after :P

He was pretty much excited about having a sibling. As a matter of fact, he has been asking for siblings for the longest time. Of course, if it was up to him, without hesitation, he would choose a baby brother over a sister. Therefore, hubby and I had a bit of convincing game to play, in changing his fondness about a baby sister. I happen to be pretty convincing (you can ask hubs, he'd testify to this), and Isaac started accepting the idea that having a sister could be fun too, certainly at his leisurely pace.

We planned on everyone's roles, what to do, what should be done when the time comes. He will have to help daddy carry the hospital bag and daddy would assist mummy walk to the car. No one screams (except mummy). Everyone should give mummy anything she asks for. You know, that sorta stuff lol.

And then the day arrived. His baby sister was ready to come out see the world. The contraction started in the afternoon of 18 February 2014. And because we wanted the birth to be as natural as possible, I went through the day as usual. At the end of the day, we went to bed. At 11pm, surges interval was 10 minutes. I did whatever I learnt in the hypnobirthing course. I took a hot shower, I did my birthing-breathing and I walked around the house. At 2am, hubs suggested that we should take a slow drive to hospital but I wanted to wait until the next morning. Mainly, because I did not want to pay for emergency hospital bill (it is more expensive after midnight until 6 or 7am) and two because I wanted to wait for Isaac to wake up so he could be a part of this.

At 4am, the surges interval was 5 minutes and mum (who just arrived from Singapore a day before to make me some of my cravings) suggested that we rushed to hospital. Old school, she didn't believe in hypo-birthing lol. And honestly, the pain started to be a tad bit unbearable so we quickly got ready and I totally forgot about Isaac. We left for hospital leaving him asleep with my mum at home.

We reached hospital at 4.30am and I gave birth at 6.48am. It was beautiful (but this is not about Sophie. This is about Isaac so I will save that story for later).

And I think, this was how it started. I unconsciously let my baby feel left out *cries*.

He was awaken by my mum to get ready to visit us in the hospital and when he was told that I have safely given birth, he got upset. He arrived at the hospital and I saw that look on his face. He was suddenly so distant. I was crying because suddenly my baby was no longer my only child. Suddenly I could feel that my baby felt left out. I might even sensed some anger from him.

But there was nothing I could do. I have given birth and I forgot about my first born *punches self in the face*. I did however make sure that aside hubs, no one could hold Sophie until he did. Not even my mum. Hubs asked him to sit down tight and placed Sophie on his lap. He smiled. He looked at her face with so much love and then he glanced at me. I nodded. I said to him, "That's your baby sister. Promise mummy that you two will always love each other even when you hate each other okay? Promise mummy that you will always look after her. Mummy loves you so much. And now, let's love Sophie together okay?". I rehearsed these lines over a hundred times in my head throughout my pregnancy.

He smiled again. I knew, he will be a very good big brother. But I also knew, he will need time to adjust.

After 2 days, we went home and he has been a bit distant ever since. He used to sit on hubs' lap whilst watching TV or in a coffee shop. And now, everytime hubs tries to carry him, he will just shrug off.

And with me, he has been misbehaving. A lot. It worries me. He started lying over the simplest things. He craves for attention so badly. He says things like, "why can you take leave from work when Sophie is unwell and not when I am unwell?". Yea, he says stuff like that. I am heart broken.

At times, the misbehavior got a tad bit intolerable by me. He would slam the door. He would make face. He would roll his eyes. Oh no! What is happening? My baby never did such things before. He was this gentle and loving young boy. But at the same time, we can tell that he loves Sophie so much. He would look after her. He would really care for her. And sometimes I caught him hugging and kissing her when we were not looking.

I have a feeling all this misbehavior is because he's seeking for more attention. Misbehavior is often a cry for help calming down, and a bid for connection. Therefore, we do try our very best to pay more attention to him and we try to justify everytime we do something extra for Sophie.

Is he jealous of his sister? Maybe. Or do all these just coincide with him growing up to becoming a teenager? Also possible. Is my first born hurting? This scares me the most.