Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Parenting 101: Six tips to handle your upset child

I am not a parenting expert. But I am that type who'd go around finding tips and tricks to be better. So I thought I'd share with you some tips in handling our kids when they are upset - which I learnt from different sources throughout my eleven-bittersweet-years of parenthood. Maybe you might find it useful.

Don’t scream at your children

I don’t know about you. But when people treat me like shit, I will return the favor. Same goes to when people scream at me, it is very likely that I will scream back. So I think it is the same thing with our children. When they are so used to be screamed at or scolded – they’d act the same. When they feel hurt, they think it is only right to hurt back. So, they throw tantrum. They scream their lungs out. After all, our children are the mirror of ourselves.

Try not to scold your children in public

They feel embarrassed too. It is just not nice. I would prefer to wait until we leave the place, but sometimes when we need to do it, we will just pull him aside and speak to him softly.

We have started to practise this with Sophie too. And she seems to get it. We speak very softly, explaining to her that she should not scream and throw things. Her tantrums also seem to mellow out. From screaming down to just hand gestures.

Be sensitive towards their feeling.

Say sorry

Yes, apologise to your children. I lose my temper all the time. But immediately after I realised what I did, I apologise. It can get very emotional. Isaac will usually just keep quiet when I scold him (and lose temper) but he tends to cry when I say sorry. It shows that he appreciates it. It proves that he wasn’t the only one making mistake in the room, Mummy did too.

Don’t compare your child to another!

For vuren’s sake, don’t la compare your child to others. Especially when the comparison is done so openly and so directly in front of your own child. Of course it makes the other kid (and his parent) feel good, but imagine what impact would it give to yours?

I know grass always looks greener on the other side. But it is not. For all you know, the other parent is just good at handling the kids in public to avoid any unwanted scene. Her child might be similar to yours (whatever trait you choose to compare that is). But you comparing your child with hers can potentially bring your child’s confidence down. I wouldn’t want my husband to compare me to another woman.

Praise your child

What could possibly go wrong when you compliment a child? They do something good – praise. It is one of the most effective tools that we parents can use. Some say that it is a bad idea to praise the children too much. To me, based on my own experience, as a child and with my children – praising is harmless. It is a great reverse physiological method to encourage them to do good. And it teaches them to appreciate.

I know I feel very good when hubs praise me - I'd stop sulking almost instantly.

Provide explanation

A friend was just telling me how tired it can get when we need to explain every act to our kids. To me, it is simple. It is good to explain to our children when we ask them to do something or not to do something. It isn’t fair if we just give an order without explanation. I too can be very impatient. Isaac can get very chatty. But I will still try to explain to him as much as I can. Nowadays is a lot easier, after years of practice – he now understands that he should only expect a simple explanation on why I ask him to do something. Or in most cases, not to do something.

However, justifying our every act to the children is another thing. I personally don’t think we need to justify everything. I think the children still need to know the boundary. I am not even talking about how our parents then did it i.e. slap us hard on our faces if we interrupt the adults’ conversation. No I am not talking about that.

What I am saying is, we as parents should teach the children the fine line between questioning us and asking questions. Because questioning us as parents will just make us feel doubted. And where I come from, it is a little rude. Of course it works both ways but I am a little biased here.

I do believe in the equality between parents and children. But I am still a bit ol school in that sense where I believe children should still respect their parents first before anything.

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