Thursday, January 29, 2015

Career woman or good mother?

Was doing some spring cleaning to prepare for CNY and I found this buku aktiviti that I used to jot down everything Isaac did when he was a baby. From the time he woke up until he fell asleep in my arms, every single day. I kept in my handbag in case Isaac would do something interesting for me to record. Obsessed much? Hee hee.

But that was then, when life was less hectic and I was more hardworking lol. I recently had a talk with someone who isn't a mother nor married on how tough life as a full time working mother would be and she shared that this is probably her biggest fear hence her uncertainty to get married and start a family.

"My life is almost perfect now. Amazing career. Bosses think I am super flexible and I might get promoted soon. What if a baby ruins all this? All the emergency leaves will just change how my bosses think of me", shared this ambitious-workaholic career lady.

 "It doesn't need to be complicated. Its actually easier than it seems", I lied.

The truth is, it is memang very difficult.I was once a workaholic. It is probably still in me but my priorities have switched and I am taking it easy now.

You see, I had Isaac when I was very young. That time, I had my late grandmother to help caring for him when I attended classes. Then I started my career in Customer Service. That time it was just a 9-6 job and I did it for money so I prolly didn't care less about making it in the corporate world. Plus I had my late grandma, my sweet loving late grandma....

As I moved into doing Corporate Communications, I started receiving more responsibilities and I really enjoyed doing what I did. By that time, Isaac was already in pre-school, a big boy. So hubby was the one attending to his needs whenever I was away. Yes, I was away a lot. I worked day and night. I finished work at 3-4am at times and back to work by 10am. I traveled so much when Uptrend was expanding its business overseas, I missed out on so much at home. But hubby was (and still is) and angel. He made sure Isaac didn't miss me too much and I made sure to spend quality time with him when I was around. So I thought.

The reality, I missed out a lot. The next thing I knew, he was going into primary school. I don't even remember helping him with his homework when he was in Standard 1 until Standard 3. I don't think I ever attended his school PIBG meeting. I felt guilty all the time. But I was really too busy.

And then, after 8 years of trying and numerous times of getting our hearts broken, we conceived Sophie in mid 2013. That was when I put my foot down and told myself I'd change. I will be there for my children. I will watch my children grow up. I will be a better mother. I will not put them as my secondary priorities when it comes to work.

I was telling someone the other day (I can't remember who) that I can work from anywhere anytime. I guess I forgot that things are not the same anymore now. It does break my heart a little because I was so used to be that person who could respond to boss and/or client anytime and now I am no longer that person. I need to hide in a toilet or let my baby cries wanting to have the phone in my hand whenever I need to respond to an email or text message.

Anyway, It hasn't been a smooth journey in my career post pregnancy. But I will however do my best. It will be better when she is slightly older, I tell myself that everyday.

Then: Able to work on the go on my smartphone, anytime anywhere.
Now: Everytime I take out my phone, Sophie will grab it away and put it in her mouth.

Then: Able to stay back at office almost everyday because I love working on my paperwork at night when nobody was around to bug me.
Now: Rush to go home as soon as the clock ticks 5. Because I worry that the 3 bottles of FMB that I supplied can only last her until 6pm and she will be hungry if I don't pick her up on time.

Then: Able to wear one piece dress and look neat and tidy at all times.Nice hairdo everyday.
Now: Can only wear 2 piece clothing. Anything easily assessable to pump and nurse in the car.Wash my hair once in 2 days time because of time constraint at home.

Then: Able to work from home.
Now: She always gets so excited when she sees laptop, she also want to hit the keyboard -__-

No comments:

Post a Comment

You saying?