Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Cyber bullying among mothers

I know of mothers who always go by the book, no matter what they do. Be it the way they cook their children food, or the way to sleep-train the newborns and even the way they should dress their beautiful kids.

And then there are those who just follow their heart. As long as their children are healthy and happy, they are happy.

I am probably the one in the middle of these two groups. Although I sometimes lean towards the former, I do try to understand why the latter does it.

Lately, with all the social media platforms, it is very convenient to learn and share knowledge. I joined some of the groups that I find necessary for me to learn from other mothers. I learn a lot about how to carry my baby safely, what type of carrier that is safe for my baby, what type of food I shouldn't give my baby and my favorite is, how to keep motivating myself to keep breastfeeding my baby, you know, being a full time working mother with a practically no-desk-bound job. Most of the time, I am just a silent reader. Often, I feel disgusted with some of the comments from some mothers.

You see, sometimes there are some mothers among us, who are not very well informed. Sometimes, due to lack of exposure and sometimes due to plain ignorance. A lot of these mothers probably fall under the latter group. I am not saying all, but most mothers who I personally know who would just follow their hearts in raising their beautiful children and would let their children do as they please are not very well informed or not the type who would go by the book (can you tell that I am trying very hard to phrase my words so I would not offend anybody).

So these mothers would post something on Facebook page that is not by the book (and this will annoy those who are hardcore in following rules). But that does not mean the very well informed / clever / fall under the former group mothers should attack the other.

I myself get so annoyed when I read such attacking comments. For example, this morning I read about this beautiful mother (Mummy C) sharing on how her twin 13mo daughters did not want to sit on their car seats during their recent trip to somewhere due to horrible jam that prolonged their 3 hours journey to 8 hours. And she had to tandem breasfteed them and let them fall asleep on her lap in a moving vehicle. Yes, it is dangerous. So, there was this other mother (Mummy V) who was questioning on why didn't Mummy C just let hey babies cry on their car seats? Safety is more important, Mummy V said. And Mummy C went on to explain her situation again. And then Mummy V replied again defensively on why she felt Mummy C shouldn't have done it. And then Mummy C explained again and Mummy V said Mummy C should have pulled over at the first place before feeding them. And it went on and on and on.....

Yes, I am sure that Mummy C is fully aware of that. But, do you think, would Mummy C, by any way, deliberately put her daughters in danger? Informed or uninformed (in this case, she is actually a very informed parent, but she was left with no choice and she is just a loving devoted breastfeeding mother. Mothers and their soft hearts). 

Sometimes, people should have just kept their mouths shut. You don't have anything nice to say, just keep quiet. You don't like how other mothers raise their kids, and if you don't know how to tell them nicely, just keep quiet. Stop being a kaypochi and worst, a bully.

Creating awareness on good things i.e the importance of car seats, the right way to carry your baby, the benefits of breastfeeding, is good. But don't jump into judgement too quickly okay? Most, if not all mothers only want the best for their children. Regardless of how they raise them.


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