I pray that you are okay there, grandma cause you were the best grandma one can ever have

I received comment from bwooie in my previous post so I got excited and want to write more. I know I write craps but oh boy, I still am damn good in writing craps. I write craps that's why I write blog (not magazines or newspaper).

My grandma passed away on November 20, 2008 and I didn't shed a single drop of tears. Everybody said I will cry one day and when the day arrives I will cry like I never did. And yes they were right, I started crying to sleep on December 9 until now, every single night.

I felt relieved, in a way. Not relieved that she is gone but relieved that I am not dead inside as I thought.

And last few nights I have been dreaming about late grandma. I know I always dream of her after she passed on but this time it's as if she is still alive and she has never passed on. What is going on? I am a little disturbed.

I talked to some friends. They said maybe because I miss her too much or maybe because it's a sign of something she wants me to know. But if that's true, what is it, grandma?

God, I miss her.