Monday, September 6, 2010

Don't go away

"So dont go away, say what you say
Say that you'll stay
Forever and a day ... In the time of my life
Cos I need more time, yes I need more time just to make things right"

After late grandma passed away, I kept dreaming about her waking up from the grave, I kept dreaming that she came back alive. The dreams haunted me for months. The similar dreams, over and over again. I started to have the idea that she didn't actually leave, I started to have the idea that she was still around here, waiting for me to make things right between us. I thought that maybe I have been given a second chance to spend more time with her. So I started to live in denial. I started to make believe that she was still around. I didn't cry at all when she passed away, and I kept it that way for few months believing that I didn't need to cry because she was still around. But for what it's worth, I really needed to cry. I needed to grieve. I needed to scream. But in order for me to do that, I needed to start believing that she is no longer around. That she's gone. And when I finally came into it, I cried like a baby. I felt some kind of reliefs. And to date, every day without fail, I will take a few moments to just stare at her picture, whispering to it "It's okay, I let you go. But I can't promise that I will stop crying. I can't promise that I will stop smelling your blouses and blankets".

I miss you so bad, everyday.


1 comment:

  1. I feel you :( My grandma has passed away for 5 years - and she was a great woman, a great grandma, a loving one,; but I rarely cried remembering her. Because perhaps I didn't want to believe that she's no longer here. I just don't want to feel sad.


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