Monday, April 5, 2010

I am pregnant

I have a confession.

No, not really a confession. I have a new peculiar obsession. I am so obsessed that I might be pregnant. Every month (since end of last year), between the 1st day of every month until 5th - 6th day, I will grumble and scold my husband for making me pregnant. I will go to toilet every half an hour to check if my period is here yet.

The truth is, for the past few months, I havent got pregnant. I was just traumatising myself that I might be pregnant. And if I did, where will we deliver the baby? How much will it cost to give birth to babies nowadays? And if we can't afford to deliver the baby at hospital, is it safe to give birth naturally at home? But we dont have a bath tub, so how? If we call a midwife, is it safe? And then, what can we feed the baby that is economical and healthy? What can we do to earn more so that it is enough for the family to eat? And I am very sure that we will have sleepless nights, so how will we focus at work if we didnt get enough sleep? And what will happen to my department? Do I need to resign or will my boss demote me to become a clerk? And then comes the mild depression. I haven't started on how will I face the world with the baby weights yet. And Isaac, will he be able to cope with the new baby? Will he eat the new baby?

And today is 5th of April and my period is not here yet. Actually it usually comes on the 6th or 7th of every month and the first 5 - 6 days will be spent grumbling, self-traumatising & scolding hubby for making me pregnant (or at least to make me feel that I am pregnant).

Sigh. I am traumatised. I hate this week of the month.

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