I miss you so much, it hurts

You were there for me when I first opened my eyes
You were there for me when I started to know people
You were there for me when I started to love
You were there for me when I first learned to hate
You were there for me when I was really wasted, when nobody wanted me
You were there for me when I managed to climb back to the top
You were there for me during my most happiest moments
You were there for me, ALWAYS as far as I can remember

You always grabbed my hands when I couldn't reached
You always stayed up late when I needed to pass my exams
You always forgave me when I screwed things up
You always be there for me when mum was thousand miles away
You always stayed right next to me when others went by my back
You always said I was right although others confirmed that I was wrong

BUT

I was not there when you last saw the world
I was not there when you last smiled to people
I was not there when you asked for your last sip of water
I was not there when you last inhaled the air
I was not there when you closed your eyes for the last time

I WAS NOT THERE.

I know... I know you waited for me that morning
I know you waited for me to close your eyes for the last time
I know you wanted to see me...

But, I was not there.

I miss you, really. I love you more than anyone could ever do.

You said I am a cry baby. I can easily cry for the smallest issue BUT I still haven't cried since you're gone. It hurts, really.