Saturday, June 9, 2007

my new hobby

Today is Friday, since I reached KL from KB,I haven't get a proper rest yet. Reached on Tuesday morning, went to work til 1 am and Wednesday after work went for movie with Sebby, yesterday night went to Bangsar also with Sebby, had wine- finished one bottle, and today stuck at work...I have these body aches and chills. (No fever yet.) And right now, I really want to go back home and climb onto bed.


Speaking about this new hobby of mine, A while after my very first heart break or can say loneliness la (being alone cause he was too busy with work) was when I started blogging. My friends suggested it to me and it turned out to be a great outlet. For one I had something to do during those long sleepless nights other than keep crying and repeating the same question to them. Actually come to think of it maybe they suggested blogging to save themselves the torture!! lol…highly probable.

I call this new hobby as healing the soul. When you’re in a relationship then least you expect is to be treated as well as you are being to the other person, if not much better. But if that isn’t there after a while you start to question your importance. And that is what happened with me. Over and over and over. I didn’t think I was a priority in his life and well eventually I just snapped. Well it is very normal, and then....I LEARNT something new which really helped me--EXPECTING LESS and dont stop believing in your LOVE....:D

I think I’m a simple girl but he somehow made me think that my demands were a bit over the top. For a long while I almost believed him. But I know that it isn’t true.
Don’t get me wrong he’s a great guy and everything but he couldn’t give this relationship what it needed most. Commitment. And besides that I know that he’s got to sort out a lot of things before he be begins to think of settling down but neither do I have that sort of time nor do I want to risk the rest of my life with someone who sidelines me all the time. That’s the truth and the whole truth.

But the misery lasted,it was last two months we are getting better :D. Much better!

This time though I didn’t blog incessantly about my bleeding heart. And the main point is not about me now, it is for somebody else out there who needs help and feel hurted. Mostly because reading my previous emo post made me feel like such a dork. And also i managed to understand that it is normal and shit happens. I said to myself,

“Ferfuckssake Yan, you are such a drama queen!”

I can laugh about all the things I wrote now and feel quite silly about them. So what if you got cheated on goddamnit? Big fucking deal. Nah, its not what you think people,hahaha! he never cheated on me. Btw, what did you expect from a guy who got his first dose of freedom anyways? So with that I decided that putting my heart out and ranting about him is not going to help anyone. Especially not me. I’ve said everything a million times over to him and tried everything in my power but I guess there’s only so much you can do. I’m sure he tried his best too. Just wasn’t enough I suppose.

And the main reason I am writing this is especially for those who feel that the breakups thing is soooooo big deal, wake up!! Last few months, I was crying while blogging and now I am smiling cause patience really pay well in the end;D I want to help you out there. I want you to know that everything will be just fine, time and patience needed yes!

It’s not the end of the world. There’s so many people out there. People who love you. People who respect you. People who know your worth and treat you well not because they want something from you but because they know you deserve it.

I have a heart and it feels. It makes me more human and more humble. The most extraordinary quality of our heart is its capability to move on, but only if we let it. And when we do everything becomes okay. Our heart heals and learns to love again. More deeply and more passionately.

Shutting everyone out because of a couple of bad experiences is only taking the easy way out. There’s someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are. Love you completely like you know only too well how to. Indulge you. Make you feel like the world. It’s only a matter of time.

After all how long can he hide from his fate ;) You will hunt him down and make him your life partner forever.

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