good grief

its 6.48am. and i am still awake. wide awake. and please forgive me for any grammatical or any errors. Blur***

just finished reading a novel, "good grief". have been reading this book for like 2 weeks and this morning i officially finished reading it. tears running of my cheeks now.

feeling sad, why? not because i have been scolded or not because someone said something bad to me..because i have finished reading this book. i feel like the fun is over. the same feeling where you spent a very good time(whole day or whole weekend) with somebody and in the end, he needs to leave.

its the same feeling. maybe i am too scared of losing anything or anyone around me. that excludes the feeling of losing my ego.

i couldn't have finished reading this book if i, at least, have slept last night(since now is morning).

since school, its always my habit to let the last few pages to be left unread. but this one, i managed to read til the last word. and that caused this tears.

but nevermind, it's a progress i think. I am progressing..whohoo!

but I still think that I need a shrink, I mean, no harm to see a shrink right. ppl may say that i am a freak but do they really care how i feel? no, right? yea, if he or she could at least help me to fall asleep again like last time. I'll pay money for that! I want somebody that can help me to keep the facts factual at least or can help me to compile my facts rightly.

during dinner last night, i stole the fun time by misbehaving. (again!)I was wrecking their "good dinner" until i finally realised that they really wanted me to be there, to be the usual Yan, the smiley Yan.

i said "I am the Grinch that stole your wonderful dinner"

And my pretty Lee Zaa said " You are too pretty to be a grinch"

I took a very deep breath and whispered to her "Thank you"

and thats how i started to giggle and smile again.

People ask me, about so many things that sometimes get me irritated , saying "I am sorry to hear that hun" but life goes on. And normally i'll answer them "it's okay". And in a way I'm glad they make me say this almost every day now. "It's okay".

By the way, good morning every one!! May all of you have a very pleasant day!!